The 5 Stages of Grief: The How and Why

The 5 Stages of Grief:

The How and Why of It

What are the 5 stages of grief and how do they work and what can you do if you get stuck in one? What are some reputable resources to help you transition through them?

The five stages of grief (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance) are a non-linear process. To get unstuck, allow yourself to feel without judgment, use grounding practices, and seek help. Connect with HelpGuide or Grief.com to explore support options. [1, 2, 3, 4, 5]

How the Stages of Grief Work

Originally developed by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, the stages represent a framework of how we process massive emotional shifts, but they do not follow a strict, predictable timeline. You may jump between them, revisit them, or experience them all at once: [1]

• 
• Denial: 
• Serves as a coping mechanism to buffer the immediate shock of loss, numbing your reality.
• 
• Anger: 
• A mask for deeper pain, where frustration and helplessness are directed at yourself, the situation, or others.
• 
• Bargaining: 
• A mental negotiation in search of a way out, often plagued by "what if" or "if only" scenarios.
• 
• Depression: 
• A natural, quiet response to the emptiness and longing that follows a profound loss.
• 
• Acceptance: 
• Coming to terms with the reality of the loss and recognizing that you have to—and will—go on. It doesn't mean "moving on" or "being okay," but rather learning to carry the loss. [1, 2, 3, 4, 5]

What to Do If You Get Stuck:

Getting "stuck" often means you are avoiding the pain or are overwhelmed by it. You can navigate through it by: [1, 2]

• 
•  Acceptance of the Feeling: 
• Do not force yourself around your emotions; gently allow yourself to feel the anger or depression, knowing it will fade more quickly if you go through it. [1, 2]
• 
• Using Grounding Techniques: 
• If a stage becomes overwhelming, use deep breathing, mindful movement, or holding a comforting object to remind yourself you are present. [1]

• 
• Creating Tangible Outlets: 
• Share memories, express feelings in a creative or tangible way, or create a ritual with an object connected to what you lost. [1, 2]
• 
• Temporarily Postponing Major Decisions: 
• Give yourself time to adjust without adding more stress. [1]

Reputable Resources for Support

If your grief feels unmanageable or you feel stuck, reach out to these trusted resources:

• HelpGuide: Offers actionable, practical guides on coping with grief and loss, finding support, and handling grief triggers. [1]
• Grief.com: Founded by grief expert David Kessler, this platform explores the standard stages as well as the newly identified sixth stage: Meaning. It provides access to grief groups and resources. [1, 2, 3, 4, 5]
• National Institute on Aging (NIA): Provides authoritative resources and tips on managing grief, when to seek therapy, and how to take care of your physical well-being. [1]
• Cruse Bereavement Support: A well-respected organization providing extensive breakdowns of how the grief process works. [1, 2, 3]
• Your Healthcare Provider: Contacting your local doctor is a great first step to get local counselor or therapist recommendations. [1, 2, 3]

How I feel about this topic:

I think the 5 stages of grief are a really personal, non-linear journey. My feelings were all over the place. Sometimes I felt relief mixed with guilt, super tired, or panicked, while other times (usually when something reminded me of it) I tried to fit my emotions into that framework and it just made me more confused.

I didn't struggle nearly as much as I thought I would when my mom passed away. I was lucky because before she got really sick, when she and I were taking care of my aunt before she passed, she gave me some really valuable advice.

She told me to do and say everything you can with the person while they're alive. Give them all the love, support, and care you can spare. That way, (for me at least) when they pass, you might not have that guilt of "could I have done more?"

You can feel content (I hope) that you did all you could to make the end of their life the best possible. I'm sure there are those who didn't experience this outcome, but I did.

So, this is where we part ways, again. If you have anything you want to share or you disagree, email me! I welcome all feedback and comments. Have a wonderful weekend and don't be too hard on yourself. You're a work in progress!

Tina

My quote for you:

“Absence is a house so vast that inside you will pass through its walls and hang pictures on the air.” -Pablo Neruda