Meeting the Fam: Why Your Brain is a Group Project

Internal Family Systems(IFS) Therapy

Hey everyone! 

Ever feel like there's this intense, chaotic tug-of-war happening in your head and you just want it to "settle down!"? Well, that's one of the things IFS teaches you how to do. It's a system where everyone has a core "self" that's naturally empathetic, sympathetic, curious, and calm. The therapy aims to use this core self to understand, heal, and bring harmony to your inner parts (like wounded "exiles" and protective "managers" or crisis intervention "firefighters").Here's how it all works:. 

Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy is a type of talk therapy that views your mind as being made up of different "parts," such as an inner critic or a people-pleaser. Rather than trying to get rid of these parts, the goal is to have your core "Self" understand them and work together to heal past emotional wounds. [1, 2, 3] Developed by psychologist Dr. Richard Schwartz, the foundation of IFS is built on a few core concepts. [1, 2, 3, 4]

Here's the step-by-step inner healing process in IFS is broken down into two main phases: unblending the mind and unburdening the painful memories. [1, 2]

Phase 1:Unblending (The 6 Fs)

Before you can heal, you must separate your "Self" (the observer) from the specific part that is causing you distress. [1, 2, 3]

We All Have "Parts":

Our minds naturally contain sub "parts" that have their own feelings, memories, and viewpoints. Think of it like the movie Inside Out, where different emotions take the wheel. These parts hold distinct roles: [1, 2]

• Exiles: These are the vulnerable, wounded parts of us (often formed in childhood) that carry pain, fear, or trauma. [1, 3]
• Managers: These are proactive, protective parts (like your inner critic or perfectionist) that try to keep us safe and in control so the exiles' pain doesn't surface. [1, 2, 3]
• Firefighters: These are reactive, impulsive parts (like an urge to overeat, binge-watch shows, or lash out) that rush in to distract us when an exile's pain gets triggered. [1, 2] 

1. Find: Locate the part of yourself that is currently activated (e.g., feelings of anxiety, self-criticism, or anger) and identify where you feel it in your body. [1, 2]
2. Focus: Direct your mindful, non-judgmental attention toward this specific part. [1, 2] 
3. In IFS, there are no "bad" parts. Even the parts that make you act out (firefighters) or constantly criticize you (managers) have positive intentions. They are just stuck doing extreme jobs to protect your vulnerable feelings. [1, 2, 3]
4. Flesh it out: Observe the part's details. What does it look like, sound like, or what memories/images does it bring up? [1, 2]
5. Feel towards: Notice how you (your core Self) feel about this part. If you feel anger or frustration, it means another part is blended with you. Ask that protective or judging part to step back to give you space to connect. [1, 2, 3]
6. Befriend: Get curious about the part. Ask it what it wants you to know about itself without trying to change it. [1, 2]
7. Fear: Ask the part what it is afraid would happen if it stopped doing its job. This reveals its positive, protective intentions. [1, 2]

Phase 2: Witnessing and Unburdening

Once the protective parts trust you enough to step back, you can address the deeply wounded parts (called "exiles") that the protectors are hiding. [1, 2]

1. Locate the Exile: Ask the protector to show you the younger, wounded part of you that it is trying to protect. [1, 3]
2. Witness: Listen to the exile's story and acknowledge the pain or trauma it has been carrying, allowing it to feel truly seen and heard by your adult Self. [1, 2]
3. Retrieve & Unburden: Ask the exile how old it thinks you are. Reassure it that you are now an adult, safe, and capable of protecting it. Invite the exile to leave the past and release the heavy emotions (the burden) it has been holding. [1, 2, 3, 4, 5]
4. Integrate: Welcome positive, new qualities into the system. Ask the parts what roles they would prefer to take on now that the old trauma has been healed. [1, 2]

To practice this process safely—especially if you are dealing with deep trauma—it is highly recommended to work with a licensed mental health counselor. You can find a practitioner trained in this modality using the IFS Institute Directory. [1, 2, 3]

The Goal of IFS

Instead of fighting your internal voices or trying to silence your inner critic, IFS helps you access your calm core Self and use it to understand and comfort your wounded parts. By listening to the parts and offering them compassion, the parts can drop their extreme roles, allowing you to feel more balanced and whole. [1, 2, 3, 4]

**To learn more about the theory or find practitioners, you can read Dr. Richard Schwartz's book, No Bad Parts. [1, 2]

To get the most accurate and reliable information on Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, you should start directly with the model's creator and associated educational organizations: [1]

• IFS Institute: The official hub founded by Dr. Richard Schwartz. It is the premier resource for learning about the model, exploring research, finding certified IFS practitioners, and accessing training materials. [1, 2, 3]
• Foundation IFS: A non-profit organization dedicated to advancing access to IFS therapy, educational workshops, and independent empirical research on the model's effectiveness. [1, 2, 3, 4]
• IFSCA: The Internal Family Systems Counselling Association offers community learning, educational webinars, and a specialized directory of IFS-trained therapists. [1, 2]

If you are looking to find a practitioner locally or online, you can use the IFS Institute Directory or filter by "Internal Family Systems" on Psychology Today. [1]

My Personal Opinion(I'M NOT A PROFESSIONAL):

Okay, I get it now. In this therapy, your mind's like a complex internal family  The Exiles hold deep pain, the Managers try to prevent that pain, and the Firefighters jump in to put out emotional crises. This is "family therapy" at its best!

This was my first time formally hearing about this kind of therapy, and I've been around the block a few times when it comes to therapy styles. But it sounds familiar in quite a few ways, I'll be honest. Even though it's a simple concept to grasp, it's super complex (and confusing sometimes) to actually do and to process. I found myself re-reading a lot of sections just to get a clearer picture in my head. 

At one point, it kind of reminded me of the movie "Sybil" with Sally Fields. But, in reality, it's actually a pretty common thing for most people. We battle the past and the present a good deal of the time. We just might not always be in crisis mode.

Dr. Richard Schwartz's goal(at least my layman's take on it)is to help people heal their wounded minds, sort out their inner struggles, and get their minds back in balance. Instead of getting rid of those subpersonalities, he wants to free you from past trauma by letting your core "Self" take charge of your inner system. [1, 2, 3, 4, 5]  Its the compassionate, undamaged center of your being that observes, understands, heals, and leads your inner system of parts. [1, 2]

I totally get that. My childhood home was pretty messed up. Not physically abusive, just neglectful and confusing. I got a lot of bad information as a kid that messed with my thinking as an adult. It took me years to sort through all that misinformation and get past it. It's crazy how much your family shapes you when you're young. I guess, in a lot of ways, it's a period in your life where you're rudderless and the people in your life at that time are your guides (for better or for worse!).

So, in therapy (with different therapists), I learned I need to directly challenge the beliefs and rules I picked up as a kid. Instead of fighting those old thoughts, they helped me understand, appreciate, and safely work with the "parts" of my mind still running on those childhood rules.

Those therapists (I can see it now) and IFS really changed how I saw my past, my family, and the beliefs that came from it all. It was like group therapy, but without my actual family there. I actually got a lot of my emotional issues and mixed messages sorted out. I'm more at peace with my past now.

I've realized they did their best with what they had back then. It's not an excuse, it's me accepting my past so I can move on, not stuck in old, untrue thoughts, and if needed, form new ones.

So there you have it. A quick look at Internal Family Systems (IFS). If you're still confused or want more information, check out the links above. You can shoot me an email, also and I'll try and answer your questions. If I can't, I'll point you in the right direction. Have a great weekend, and I hope to see you again! #ifs, #familytherapy, #emotionalcrisis, #therapeuticexchange, #blogposts. #quotefortheday.

Tina

My quote for the day:

"Healing begins when we stop asking ‘What’s wrong with me?’ and start asking ‘What happened to me, and what is this part trying to do for me?’"-Dr. Richard Schwartz

My personal links are on the sidebar.