What I Wish I Knew Before Today

Today's quote: 

"I'm thankful for my struggle because without it I would not have stumbled across my strength." -Inspirational Proverb

Hey everyone!

Today I wanna chat about those "coulda, shoulda, woulda" moments that no one really wants to bring up. I feel like if you just acknowledge those thoughts, you can actually let them go. Maybe this whole process isn't for everyone, but it's totally worked for me in a bunch of areas in my life. It's brought down my stress levels and helped me move forward in both my head and my actions in several parts of my life. Letting go of past choices means you gotta switch from just replaying stuff in your head to being kind to yourself and actually doing something about it. You can totally break that cycle using some core psychology tricks like changing how you think, just accepting things as they are, and really paying attention.[1, 2, 3, 4, 5]

To successfully move past those decisions,here are some actionable steps:

1. The 3 C’s of Cognitive Reframing

• Catch it: Notice when you are mentally replaying a past mistake or asking "what if". Acknowledge that you are currently ruminating.1. The 3 C’s of Cognitive Reframing
  • Catch it: Notice when you are mentally replaying a past mistake or asking "what if". Acknowledge that you are currently ruminating.[1, 2, 3, 4]
  • Check it: Ask yourself if dwelling on the choice is making you feel better or changing the outcome. Remind yourself that you made the best possible decision at the time using the information you had.
  • Change it: Replace the negative thought with a constructive one. Instead of "I ruined my chances," pivot to "That choice taught me a valuable lesson I can apply today.[1]
  2. Detach Using Mindfulness
  • Cognitive Defusion: Create emotional distance from the memory. You can do this by prefacing the memory with, "I am having the thought that I made a bad choice," which separates your identity from the mistake.[1, 2, 3]
  • Observe and Release: Treat the thought like a passing object. Imagine placing it on a leaf floating down a stream or observing it on a screen without judging it. [1]
  3. Commit to Self-Forgiveness
  • Radical Acceptance: Accept that the past cannot be changed. Forgive yourself by acknowledging your humanity and committing to act differently in the future.
  4. Pivot to the Present
  • Take Constructive Action: If there is a small, reasonable action you can take to make amends or improve a current situation stemming from that past choice, do so.
• Engage in Nourishing Activities: Interrupt looping thoughts by investing your time in hobbies, physical activity, music or nature.[1, 2, 3

My Personal Thoughts:

I think I'll combine these steps to achieve my goal of "moving on." In some instances, like cognitive framing, I've learned it pretty much the same way, but the language is different. For instance, I learned about positive and negative self-talk. That I should identify and replace the knee-jerk reaction negative self-talk with true statements with a positive/uplifting internal dialog. Find one good thing about the situation and focus on that idea instead. So, rather than drowning in the emotion, I step back and observe it without letting it control my actions.

I've learned to say "I'm feeling" instead of "I am" in other situations. It changes how I see myself and my emotions. I was taught that "I am" is like becoming the statement, making it feel like my identity. But "I'm feeling" means the emotion is temporary and separate from who I really am. They also explained it as "I am" being stationary and not motivating, while "I'm feeling" is action-provoking. It helps me remember that emotions are temporary. I realize that sadness, anger, or anxiety are just passing like "weather" in my mind, and the sky behind them is still there.

Another way I see it combines #3 and #4. A great therapist who worked with "Anonymous" program patients taught me The Serenity Prayer. It basically says to accept what I can't change in my present or past, to be strong if I can make a change, to do it, and if not, to know when to move on and put my energy elsewhere. (You can look up the actual wording of it.)

I'm all about knowing myself, my limits, and my strengths. They really make me who I am. It helps me remember that feelings don't last forever: I can just see sadness, anger, or worry as temporary "weather" in my head, and the clear sky is still there behind it all.

It's up to you how you take these ideas. I also think it's a good idea to talk to a professional before making any huge life changes. They can help you find the best and safest way forward. I'm definitely not a professional. These are just my own thoughts and experiences. Find what works for you.

Thanks for hearing me out. I hope you find joy in all the little things every day!

Tina

My quote for you:
"Mindfulness is the pause button you've always wanted in life." — SUCCESS Contributor [1, 2, 3]

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